Bella America
by Yumi-Tsubato
Summary: Make fun of Beauty and the Beast. Prince Russia is cursed to beastliness by the beautiful witch and searches for true love to undo the curse. Bella America lives in a quaint French village and is forced on an errand. When they meet under typical circomstances, will Prince Russia manage to seduce his Bella America and break the curse? RUSAME, yaoi
1. PART 1

**All right guys! Another thing born from my bored mind!**

**This time we're making fun of Beauty and the Beast xD**

**Now so you guys don't spaz out, I know the Beauty's name is Belle but for the sake of it ish rhyming I had to change it to Bella. But it's relatively the same name except in Italian so there's nothing wrong, really.**

**Anyways! It's the same format as Cinderella America so please enjoy or be ready to lose a shitload of brain cells (come to think of it, it's going to happen whether you enjoy the story or not)**

* * *

**CHARACTER ROLES**

* * *

**RUSSIA - **The Prince / Beast

**AMERICA - **Bella

**ENGLAND **- Maurice (Bella's father)

**PRUSSIA -** Gaston the Hunter (that one guy that tries to woo Bella)

**FRANCE - **The beautiful woman that actually is a witch

**UKRAINE -** Madame Armoire (the wardrobe)

**CANADA - **Lumière (the Chandelier)

**LITHUANIA - **Cogsworth (The clock; btw, did you guys know what that guy was the butler? Cuz I didn't...but now I do lol)

**FINLAND -** Mrs. Chamomile (Mrs. Potts)

**SEALAND - **Chip (Mrs. Potts's son AKA the tea cup)

**AUSTRIA** - Babbette (the feather duster and also Lumière's lover...can anyone say crack?)

**ITALY** - Monsieur Chef (The stove)

**KUMAJIROU** - Fluffy (The footstool...dog...thing...whatever...)

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince that lived in a very large castle in the middle of a forest where he could impose his reign of terror to no one since there wasn't anyone around. Upset by this fact, the prince decided to act like a complete douche bag to any and all visitors to his domain who asked for hospitality, even for one night. However, since the prince did live in the middle of nowhere, he spent most of his time harassing his staff.

One faithful night, a very beautiful woman appeared at his door in a wretched condition.

**FRANCE **(The very beautiful woman)

Milord, I ask a favour, let me spend the night and I will treat you to happiness…

**RUSSIA** (The prince)

Fair maiden, do you think me a kind, giving lord? I am a prince, you will grovel at my feet in respect and apologize for asking such an idiotic question.

**FRANCE** _smirking_

Wrong answer milord.

The beautiful woman that had presented herself to the prince in search for hospitality was actually a witch.

**RUSSIA** _not really surprised_

Well, you've shown me your true form, shall I call the inquisitor?

**FRANCE** (The witch)

Oh shut up. You live in the middle of nowhere; I doubt you'll have the time to go get him.

**RUSSIA** _grinning evilly_

Oh? You don't know? In these parts, my word is law, in these parts I am the inquisitor.

**FRANCE** _nervously_

E-erm…Well…as a soldier for love, I will quickly teach you a lesson so that you know what happens to those with no love in their hearts.

**RUSSIA** _sharpening the inquisitor axe_

You better hurry up; I'm almost done sharpening…

**FRANCE** _quickly_

With my magical prettiness I condemn you to live in the confinement of your home as a beast! The same thing goes for your servants! _Conjures a rose_. This rose is magical, if you have not learned to love when the last petal falls then you will die.

The inquisitor prince, finally done sharpening his axe swung at the witch but missed her by seconds as she quickly disappeared in a beautiful burst of rose petals. The prince picked up the enchanted rose and stared at it intensely. He had been transformed into a beast, or so she said, but when he gazed into a mirror, he seemed no different. On the other hand, his slaves had been transformed into a variety of things: clocks, wardrobes, chandeliers, teapots, tea cups, stoves, feather dusters and footstools.

A rather amusing sight for a tyrannical prince.

For years the prince took great care in the rose and awaited the arrival of that one mistress he would have to seduce in order to be released from the witch's curse, even if there wasn't really one.

Visitors made themselves rare and rarer until finally, there were no more.

* * *

Beyond the grim forest there laid present a beautiful French village filled with jolly French folk that loved freely and were simply merry. In that wonderful village was a beautiful young woman, not as beautiful as the witch, named Bella.

Bella had just celebrated her nineteenth birthday and was much in age to marry but refused to until her father accepted to retire. She would never leave her papa, who was a hard worker, to slave in the fields all day alone.

**ENGLAND** (Maurice – Bella's father) _angrily_

Bella! Would you mind getting your bloody ass out of the house and helping me with your bloody horse!

**AMERICA** (Bella) _lazily_

Damn it, can't you do it alone? I'm almost done beating Prototype 2!

**ENGLAND** _whispering_

What are you saying! There were no video games back then! _Clearing throat_, Now Bella! Help me put this harness on your horse!

**AMERICA** _whining_

But I don't even know how it works!

**ENGLAND** _angrily_

Just get your sorry ass over here and do as you're told!

Grumpily, Bella went to her father and helped him put the harness on the horse. This task had taken almost four hours until Maurice agreed to let Bella look it up on Google.

**ENGLAND** _groaning_

This is ridiculous…

**AMERICA **

Oh shut up! I figured it out! We need to –

**PRUSSIA** (Gaston the Hunter)

Fear not! I know how to…do that…

**AMERICA**

You do? Where the hell where you four hours ago?

**PRUSSIA**

Narrator said I wasn't allowed to make my appearance yet…

**AMERICA** _poisonously_

So you were there the whole time? And you didn't say a word?

**PRUSSIA** _Slowly_

Kind of…

After Bella massacred Gaston for not helping out earlier when he had the chance numerous times, Maurice stepped in breaking up the fight. Gaston's fan girls crowded him and fixed him up as quickly as they could, which wasn't all that fast since he kept taking his shirt off to have them squeal.

**PRUSSIA** _sighing_

Damn I love being the pretty boy…

**AMERICA** _to_ _Maurice_

Remind me again why Canada was refused that role.

**ENGLAND** _whispering_

Damn it Bella! Stop using the…alternative names of the very realistic people in this play…

**AMERICA** _unable_ _to_ _let_ _go_

But…seriously! He would have been less of a pretentious ass hole!

**PRUSSIA** _hurt_

Hurtful! I'm still here you know!

**AMERICA**

Whatever, just put the fucking harness on the horse.

Erm…it was only natural that after years of hard labour unfit for such a delicate girl, Bella had grown to be rather…tough and such…yeah…

**PRUSSIA**

There, that harness…thing…is on.

**ENGLAND**

Wonderful! Now, uh, Gaston would it be so rude of me to ask you why you are here?

**PRUSSIA** _slapping his back_

Of course not future-father-in-law!

**ENGLAND** _stuttering_

W-what?

**PRUSSIA**

I've come here to ask for Bella's hand in marriage! It's high time we pump babies out of that gorgeous creature!

**AMERICA** _startled_

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! No! Clearly this was not established in Cinderella America but I am definitely a man! A man! I can not give birth to babies!

**PRUSSIA** _smirking_

It can't hurt to try.

**AMERICA** _firmly_

No! That stupid tyrannical prince told me the same thing in the last play and I couldn't walk for months! Months! And then I had to marry the bastard! That will definitely not happen in this play! I fucking swear to you it will not!

After a firm let down on the part of Bella, Gaston left angrily vowing to seduce her and have her carry his babies in her belly one day. Bella sighed and returned in her house to continue playing Prototype 2 when her father called her out, again.

**AMERICA** _exasperated_

What? Is it so difficult to let me go play my freaking video games!

**ENGLAND** _loosing it_

I've had enough! In this point of the story, you're supposed to OFFER to take this order and deliver it for me! Your poor, old, weak father!

**AMERICA**

But I don't wanna!

**ENGLAND **_pissed_

No! You will shut your bloody pie hole, get your bloody ass on the horse and ride to the destination where those goods need to be delivered! Right Narrator!

Right!

**ENGLAND**

We are sick and tired of you young man – woman!

After being yelled to the horse and forced to deliver the merchandise, Bella silently cursed for her father to die a gruesome death. She rode in the beautiful wilderness of France while whistling and was suddenly inspired to write a certain book.

**AMERICA** _pondering_

I think I should call it…The Lorax…

There was no meaning by the mentioning of that book what so ever.

Anyways, the sudden beauty of the French wilderness slowly began to darken and become rather creepy. Then it came to the point where Bella was convince she would be attacked by zombies of the sort. She yelped in surprise when the horse stopped abruptly.

**AMERICA**

JESUS CHRIST!

Bella noticed that the path diverged into two which explained why the horse stop. She sighed deeply, mostly because she was relieved, and evaluated her choices. One of the roads led to very beautiful, peaceful, magical forest with chirping birds and unicorns. The other lead to a freaky forest with bats and a bunch of other horror-like things that was less than inviting.

**AMERICA**

The choice is simple! Off to the magical, pretty forest!

However the horse decided to go towards the freaky forest for the sake of the plot of the story regardless of Bella's objections. With a pout Bella let the horse lead and looked around wearily.

Suddenly, the horse begun to feel nervous and regret ever respecting the plot of the story. Bella noticed this and tried to take advantage of the fear present in the very being of the horse.

**AMERICA** _whispering eerily_

You can always turn back ya know…

The horse freaked out immediately throwing Bella on the forest floor before dashing away with the merchandise and its life. Bella angrily tried to run after the animal but was far too slow and tripped too many times on over grown tree roots.

**AMERICA**

Son of a bitch…

Bella wandered in the forest, high on her guard, desperately trying to return to the main road but ended up straying off the path. As she ventured deeper in the forest, less light could reach her ultimately enwrapping the forest in fearful darkness. Birds or bats, she wasn't sure, flew pass her face taking a scream with them. Backing up abruptly due to the surprise she tripped over another large root having her fall over once more. In a fit of anger and despair, she ran around looking for the exit but only ventured deeper until she landed on a large brick wall.

Bella followed it to the gates and quickly ran to the large mansion in front of her. The mansion seemed insanely old and was being taken over by vegetation. No matter how ghostly the building seemed to be, Bella was convinced that the ones living in there could help her return home.

**AMERICA** _knocking on the doors_

Hello? Open up please! Open –

The large wooden doors slowly creaked open but there was no host behind them to greet Bella. She shuddered uncontrollably and walked in hesitantly. She called out for someone a few more times as she walked deeper into the main lobby. With no answer, Bella was about to turn back but the doors suddenly closed.

**AMERICA** _on the verge of panic_

This is just like that horror movie I saw…

**RUSSIA** _over her shoulder_

What was it called?

Bella shrieked and out of reflex smashed her fist against the creeper that dared scare her to the point of tears.

**AMERICA** _verge of tears_

You beast! What is your problem!

**RUSSIA** _surprised and looking at hands_

So the curse actually did work…What kind of beast do I look like?

**AMERICA** _confused yet angry_

What are you talking about? You just look like a normal human being except creepy.

**RUSSIA**

Then why did you call me a beast?

**AMERICA** _exasperated_

I-it was just a random insult, I could have called you a bastard, son of a bitch or even a mother fucker.

**RUSSIA** _aside_

So the curse to transform me into a beast has not taken effect but the threat of death if that rose were every to rot on me is still present…_to Bella _Alright then, I'm going to tell you how this is going to work!

**AMERICA** _jolts_

How what's going to work?

**RUSSIA**

You're going to stay here, live with me, and you will fall in love with me thus becoming my wife or concubine.

**AMERICA** _outraged_

WHAT!

**RUSSIA**

You see, I was cursed by a witch that was actually very beautiful. Since I was mean to her, she tried to transform me into a beast, which didn't work, and intertwined my life with that of a rose. Those things don't live forever you know.

**AMERICA**

Then why do I have to fall in love with you or become that special person in your life?

**RUSSIA**

The witch added that the only way to undo the curse is to fall in love.

**AMERICA**

Well you can't force love, especially on me.

**RUSSIA** _with a creepy smile_

Don't underestimate me, darling.

**AMERICA** _shuddering_

I'm not sure I'm going to like what happens next…

**RUSSIA** _grinning_

Me neither. _To a servant _Madame Armoire, cease our guest please.

From the darkness of the home came loud thuds that scared Bella but what shocked her was the sight of a huge wardrobe making its way towards her.

**UKRAINE **(Madame Armoire) _crying_

I'm sorry, please don't be scared of me, I'll try to be gentle but I'm mostly rough. Please forgive me!

The wardrobe opened her doors and engulfed Bella in her wooden body before closing them on her. Bella struggled and Madame Armoire apologized as she carried her to her cell where she would stay until she decided to fall in love with the Beast, as she would refer to him.

Madame Armoire released Bella in her new chambers, or prison, and begged for forgiveness.

**AMERICA**

I don't get it…If you didn't want to do it, why did you do it?

**UKRAINE** _crying_

Because he's my darling little brother and I don't like refusing him anything.

No he's not.

**UKRAINE**

Hun? But he is—

No. Not in this story.

**UKRAINE**

Oh…Oh! Oh yeah! Sorry.

Yeah.

**UKRAINE** _trying to remember_

U-um…so the reason I can't refuse him is because he's my loving master and is like a little brother to me.

Very good.

**UKRAINE**

Thank you.

**AMERICA**

Anyways, how can you talk? You're a piece of furniture.

**UKRAINE**

Oh, when that witch came by and cursed our master, she also cursed us. We were transformed into furniture. Or just inanimate objects.

**AMERICA**

Oh…wow…

**UKRAINE**

Yeah…

And so, Bella's stay at the Beast's mansion began as thus and would last much longer then she would enjoy it to.

**AMERICA**

Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute! You can't just end it like this! Nothing awesome ever happened!

Don't worry, they'll be a chapter two.

* * *

**There will be.**

**Narrator doesn't lie...much...**

**SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!**


	2. PART 2

**Part two of Bella America!**

**I cut it short so the end's a little wacky and that's when really all the characters appear...anyways...**

**I don't have much more to say so, ENJOY!**

* * *

**CHARACTER ROLES**

* * *

**RUSSIA - **The Prince / Beast

**AMERICA - **Bella

**ENGLAND **- Maurice (Bella's father)

**PRUSSIA -** Gaston the Hunter (that one guy that tries to woo Bella)

**FRANCE - **The beautiful woman that actually is a witch

**UKRAINE -** Madame Armoire (the wardrobe)

**CANADA - **Lumière (the Chandelier)

**LITHUANIA - **Cogsworth (The clock; btw, did you guys know what that guy was the butler? Cuz I didn't...but now I do lol)

**FINLAND -** Mrs. Chamomile (Mrs. Potts)

**SEALAND - **Chip (Mrs. Potts's son AKA the tea cup)

**AUSTRIA** - Babbette (the feather duster and also Lumière's lover...can anyone say crack?)

**ITALY** - Monsieur Chef (The stove)

**KUMAJIROU** - Fluffy (The footstool...dog...thing...whatever...)

* * *

And so Bella had now spent about a month locked in the Beast's mansion where she was forced to take over the chores of the servants for the evil Prince's pleasure but also because the servants didn't have the proper limbs to efficiently perform their tasks. Nevertheless, there was one servant that was of the purest heart and that helped Bella regardless of the fact that his hands had been turned to candles.

**AMERICA** (Bella) _slurping a milkshake_

Good work bro. Now you need to take care of the garden.

**CANADA** (Lumière) _exhausted_

You know…you're keeping the readers from sympathising with you again. And don't call be 'bro', you're being inaccurate. Again.

**AMERICA**

Whatever.

**CANADA**

And about the gardening, that's the only thing I can't do not matter how hard I try because I have candles for hands. _Gestures his candle hands_

**AMERICA** _whining_

Aww, come on! You were able to cook some food, which was delicious by the way; clean the dishes, serve some tea when it was the time to do so, dust the house with your lovely Babbette…by the way, I still can't believe that.

**CANADA** _looks away_

Yeah…me neither…

**AMERICA **

Anyways, you've been able to do the most complicated of stuff which require the use of hands but you can't do gardening! What's up with that!

**CANADA** _sighing deeply_

Okay Bella, listen to me carefully. Gardening requires that you water each and every single one of the plants, that you pull out the weeds properly from the earth to keep them from growing back and from damaging the plants further, it also requires that you feed them which means spread compost all over the ground so that they get their proper nutriments and minerals to continue blooming; also, some of the bigger plants like the the bushes or the trees will need trimming and I can't do any of what I just said with candles for hands!

**AMERICA** _sighing_

Fine, geez, I get it, no need to nag me.

With Lumière having finally gained the break he so rightly deserved, Bella made her way outdoors to care for the garden. Once she arrived, she tried to remember all the things that needed to be done but couldn't remember any and so began to improvise. If she based herself off logic she remembered that plants needed light to grow and develop. Seeing as the sun was covered by the clouds the next best thing that produced about the same amount of light was fire.

Bella thus began constructing a fire by cutting down many bushes and trees of the garden in order to feed the fire and have it grow hence sparing more light to the pretty flowers nearing bloom. The following trouble was to start the fire. Bella had no information or knowledge on how to start fires but suddenly remembered that Lumière was basically a candle holder and that his candles were always lit.

Quickly she set out to find Lumière and found him having a romantic moment with Babbette.

**AMERICA**

Okay, seriously, how does that work?

**CANADA** _blushing_

Honestly, I'm not too sure myself.

**AUSTRIA** _blushing_

This is even more awkward for me…being the lady in all of this…

**CANADA**

We should discuss this relationship situation upon my return.

**AUSTRIA**

Agreed.

After that awkward moment of wondering how two originally inanimate objects could enter in coitus, Bella grabbed Lumière and threw him in the bond fire base ultimately resulting in the birth of the fire. Lumière ran out of the burning hell exasperated and angry.

**CANADA** _angrily_

What the crap was that! You crazy bastard!

**AMERICA** _grinning_

Calm down bro, I've never seen you this angry in a while.

**CANADA** _his voice breaking_

You threw me into a pit of fiery death you insane prick!

**AMERICA**

I needed to light the fire one way or another. Can't you be a little selfless and think of the plants?

**CANADA**

How is this any good for the plants!

**AMERICA**

Well you told me it was one of the things you had to do for the plants!

**CANADA**

What? No I didn't.

**AMERICA**

Right but I couldn't remember but plants need light right? So I gave them light!

**CANADA**

Are you stupid?

Calm down Canada—Lumière…

**CANADA** _pure rage_

No! He threw me in a fire! A fire!

**AMERICA**

Technically it was a pile of branches.

**CANADA**

Flammable! They are flammable! And then they burst into flames when they…

**AMERICA**

…why did you stop?

What had answered was the sound of the fire rapidly expanding to the grass and the neighbouring plants. The two began to panic fearing that the fire would reach the mansion and so they hurried to control it which was one of the most difficult things to do.

**AMERICA**

Wait a minute.

**CANADA** _panicking_

That would mean imminent death!

**AMERICA **

No…well yes but if the mansion burns down, I'm free to go home!

**CANADA**

If the mansion burns down, it kills everyone or almost everyone and you have nothing to bring you home nor anyone to guide you home.

**AMERICA**

Fuck.

It took the efforts of everyone in the household, minus the Beast's who was sleeping, to contain the fire and extinguish it. Once the threat eradicated, they all went back to what they had been doing leaving Bella in the burned garden to think up an excuse on why the garden was now completely destroyed.

Unable to think of anything she kicked one of the many pinecones that had fallen on the ground when the fire had gotten out of control. She wandered deeper in the garden and noticed that the deeper she went, the less the plants were damaged but it only seemed to be many of one type of plant that had survived the insane fire.

Roses.

Soon she was surrounded by beautiful red roses and intoxicated by their wondrous perfume. She leaned in close and breathe the sweet aroma deeply and accidently pricked her finger.

**RUSSIA** (the Beast) _looming creepily_

Seems the roses were the only to escape the death you brought down upon them.

**AMERICA** _jolting_

W-whoa! You scared me!

**RUSSIA** _takes Bella's hand_

My fair maiden has wounded herself…

**AMERICA** _blushing_

Don't call me that!

**RUSSIA** _licks the blood away_

Nevertheless, tis still true.

There was a moment of awkward silence that was really just one sided on Bella's part. The cursed prince stood helping up his doomed to be wife and dusted her clothes from the dirt, that being the nicest thing he'd ever do to her…excluding gifting her with his children if it were ever so possible.

**RUSSIA**

Return to your room, Madame Armoire has a series of dresses for you.

**AMERICA**

W-what! You think I'm actually going to wear a dress—?

The Beast merely smiled conforming that he did, indeed, think but also knew that she would wear a dress of Madame Armoire's selection. Grumpily, the little French maiden returned to her chambers where she was greeted by Madame Armoire having a conversation with Mrs. Chamomile, a servant turned into a tea pot.

**UKRAINE** (Madame Armoire)

The master isn't such a bad person, he's actually very nice.

**FINLAND** (Mrs. Potts or Mrs. Chamomile) _unconvinced_

Eh…Did he ever take you away from your husband and leave you to take care of your annoying son?

**UKRAINE** _gasping_

That's rather mean… for your son I mean…

**FINLAND** _depressed_

You're right… I just miss my husband…and I can't return to him like this! He wouldn't recognize me!

**AMERICA**

You ladies done your yapping?

**UKRAINE**

Oh, Bella!

**FINLAND **

That was rather rude.

**AMERICA** _groaning_

You're sounding like my dad! Speaking of which, I wonder what he's doing right now…

* * *

**ENGLAND** (Maurice – Bella's father) _drunk_

And so that ungrateful git ran away…_hic_, and took the horse with 'im!

**FRANCE** (the beautiful woman that is actually a witch) _completely sober_

Didn't you say your child was a girl?

**ENGLAND** _pondering_

I…don't actually remember…_hic_, but the point is that that git is so ungrateful!

**FRANCE** _rolling eyes_

Right…Hey how about we go to your room?

**ENGLAND**

Why would we do that?

**FRANCE** _purring_

I could show you where the magic comes from…

**ENGLAND** _laughing_

It's funny 'cause you're a actually a bloody hot witch!

* * *

**AMERICA**

Anyways, where are these dresses I am destined to wear?

**UKRAINE**

Oh right, here they are.

Madame Armoire opened her doors having thousands of dress spring out and cover Bella. Bella sighed and looked at the choices she had for dresses.

**AMERICA** _blushing_

Aren't…aren't these dresses a little…sexual?

**FINLAND**

Oh that's very common for our perverted master. You should have seen the way he treated us when we were human. He made me wander around looking like a common whore!

**UKRAINE** _defending_

What? But he was really nice with me! He gave me pretty dresses that fit me well in exchange for me singing* to him.

**FINLAND**

He always did prefer you…for obvious reasons…

**AMERICA** _changing the subject_

Anyways, is there are a dress that is less sexual than any of the other ones here?

**UKRAINE**

Well, I guess I can lend one of mine to you…

After receiving tips and comments from Madame Armoire and Mrs. Chamomile, Bella fixed the dress she borrowed so it fit her form better and was told to re-join the Beast in the ballroom. She entered the room and was unfazed by the many candles lighting the room and giving it a sexy atmosphere great for seducing.

**AMERICA** _disappointed_

Really? Really? This is how you're going to try to get into my pants?

**RUSSIA**

Of course not, we share a dance in this cheesy yet romantic set up. However, if this does woo you, then we do too have sex and possibly make babies.

**AMERICA**

Of course, always one to think with his dick, hun?

The two engaged in dance, a classical waltz that was lead by the Beast himself. Bella had been pessimistic and forced herself to dislike the whole layout but she couldn't resist how touched she was knowing that this was all done for her. She knew a lot of efforts had gone into lighting all those candles and placing them around bouquets of roses to add to the cheesiness but also romantic atmosphere…but she didn't know that the Beast had forced Lumière to do it all even though he had no hands.

As they continued to dance, the feeling got more intimate and the music, that neither had notice begin, got louder. For a moment, Bella had actually been wooed and smiled to show it. It was as the intimacy reached its peak and when Bella thought she didn't mind to be taken by this man that another burst through the door followed by a few angry villagers.

**PRUSSIA** (Gaston the Hunter)

Bella, my love! I have come to save you! And I convince the entire village to drop what they were doing to help me out!

**AMERICA**

…Couldn't you have done that sooner? When I wanted to leave? You know, you always pick the worse timing.

**PRUSSIA **

Well it's not my fault! Narrator's the one who tells me when to go in!

**AMERICA**

Wasn't there supposed to be a scene with that enchanted rose before you were supposed to come in?

**PRUSSIA**

Yeah, Narrator decided to skip that because he or she wanted to wrap up this story.

**AMERICA **

Wow…and I'm lazy.

You know what? Just shut up!

**AMERICA** _going back to the story_

Whatever, you can leave. I don't need rescuing.

**RUSSIA** _aside_

This is wonderful! My wooing worked! Now I must impregnate my soon to be wife!

**PRUSSIA** _confused_

Then what should I do now? I was supposed to save you and stuff…

**AMERICA** _annoyed_

I already told you, leave!

**PRUSSIA** _angry_

No way! I was supposed to get some ass at the end of this and I'm not leaving without it! I want to get laid and I will get laid!

**AMERICA**

Does everyone in this play think with their penises!

A murmur of discussion arose in the ball room as a debate of the question took over the mind of all those present. Just then, the servants of the Beast ran in as humans happy and cheerful.

**CANADA** _holding Kumajirou_

The curse is broken! We're free!

**RUSSIA** _snorting_

Free?

**FINLAND **

Yes, we are free! I quit my job as whatever I was supposed to be and am taking my son with me! We're going to find my husband and live a happy life of three! Come on Chip!

**SEALAND** (Chip) _grumbling_

I didn't even get a bloody line in this play…

_Exit Mrs. Chamomile and Chip._

**UKRAINE** _comfortingly_

Don't worry Vanya – I-I mean master! I'll go find our – I mean my sister to fill in some of the gaps…

**RUSSIA** _aside_

Or dear God no…

_Exit Madame Armoire_.

**ITALY** _terrified_

E-erm… I… I have to go find my boyfriend…He…He went to war when we were little…I loved him ever since the 900s…uhmm… _runs away terrified and crying_

**RUSSIA** _shrugging_

It's not like he did much anyways…

_Exit Monsieur Chef._

**LITHUANIA **(Cogsworth) _trying to follow the wave_

Yeah…I—

**RUSSIA** _evil smile_

You're not going to leave, do I make myself clear?

**LITHUANIA** _verge of tears_

Why do all the bad things happen to me!

**CANADA** _to Bella_

Wait, does that mean you actually fell in love with him?

**AMERICA** _blushing_

Well…if the curse broke…I guess I did…

**RUSSIA** _picking up Bella_

Then I guess it means it's time to try to make heirs!

**PRUSSIA** _angrily_

No way! I'm supposed to save her and get some ass! Give her to me!

**RUSSIA** _gesturing Lumière_

Why don't you take him? He looks like my soon to be wife.

**PRUSSIA** _considering it_

That's true…Fine! You win!

**AUSTRIA** _interrupting_

Wait a minute! He's supposed to be going out with me!

**CANADA**

That is true…

**AUSTRIA**

I demand to be invited along and participate in a three-way relationship!

**PRUSSIA**

That's an odd request…but since you're my type too I invite you to participate in a three way relationship.

**RUSSIA**

Good, now that that's settled, time to make babies…or at least try…

**AMERICA**

Wait…I'm not sure I'm ready for intercourse…

**RUSSIA**

Who cares? There has to be a happy ending and the only way to achieve that is to have sex! And so, onwards to my bedroom!

From everywhere in the land of France could be heard the cheer of happiness as all but Bella really got what they wanted to get.

Nine months later, Bella gave birth – to everyone's surprise – to a son that would eventually be the heir of the household. The Beast never let her live it down that, even if she was a man, she could still get pregnant.

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

* _in exchange for me singing_ – just a little info on Madame Armoire: She's an opera singer in the Disney movie The Beauty and the Beast.

* * *

**And so concludes the mind fuck xP**

**Now the question remains: Should I make more?**

**Another question possibly adds itself as well: Which Fairy Tale should I fuck up next?**


End file.
